this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
