Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16