Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
