dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
