this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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