wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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