sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
