I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
