New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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