:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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