I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
