So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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