You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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