they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
