Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
