You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize