I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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