we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
