He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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