i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
