Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
