just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
