apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
