I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
