go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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