yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
