I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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