i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
