Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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