you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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