Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
