tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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