All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
