yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
