I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
