I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
