Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
