I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
