My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
