So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
