Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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