he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
