ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
