Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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