Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
