It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
