Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
