it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
