dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
