my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
