yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
