Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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