How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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