What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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