i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
True strength comes from lack of pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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