i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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