I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
