Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
