Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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