Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
