I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
