your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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