i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
