I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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