She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
