Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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