My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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