well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
