Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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