Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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