So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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