I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
