I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my poor anus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
