Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
