Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
