Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she looked like the before picture.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
