so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How's work?
Spinning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
